I’ve left breakfast dishes in the sink this morning. On purpose. If I was my mother I would have washed them as soon as Julia left for the day. If I was myself ten or 14 years ago, I would have washed them as Julia got into the van. Back then, I needed to control something and washing dishes was a doable task. An easy success. And I needed success.
Now, I am willing to let them slide. To let them wait until . . . . until later. I will wash before I go to bed tonight. So, okay, I still have some need of control.
Instead of washing, I poured a glass of clean water, taped off a page of my sketchbook and spritzed the water colors. I am trying to paint. I am painting. I cannot seem to sit in meditation these days. I wander, I obsess, I plan. I slip too easily into past and future. I bring my mind back time after time, but I am not patient with myself, with the practice that I’ve had for years.







We are proceeding slowly through our day.