almost mid-january

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1e1fcdfa-2dbd-4d04-a0de-2e91211400b3The week has been a challenge.  Getting back after a weekend away.  A weekend in which we visited what felt like many groups of friends and a few relatives.  Julia and I enjoyed seeing her godmother, my Indy friends, the China Sisters, and my niece, nephew, their kids and parents.  It all went by quickly and smoothly.  Even the drive back was smooth and easy—cloudy driving day, warm enough to take off coats in the car.  The niggle in a far back corner of my mind reminding me that there will be goodbye visits that will feel much like this particular weekend. Continue reading

2019 resolutions

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Sarah-Kaufman-And-Then-There-Were-ThreeI make resolutions.  I have know people who have not approved of this habit, some pretty vocally.  And I still do it.  I like setting goals and I am not undone failing to reach them.  I’ve lived in Julia’s therapy world for a long time and when she does not meet a therapy goal set within the prescribed time, it is either carried on or modified.  So too, my resolutions.  Certainly, the resolution to consider or contemplate home which has been on my resolution list long before I began posting resolutions is a perfect example.  From the time I left NYC for the midwest, I’ve puzzled over the idea of home.  NYC was home.  Now, the pieces fit. Home is simply where the love is—family and friends and warm community.  Madison has been home, first because it was where David and I lived together and then because I was determined to reclaim life and be a part of the community.  Of course, I’ve known this intuitively for a long time—such a Dorothy moment.  And these days, my eyes are fixed on Boston as home, a home as precious and satisfying as Madison has been.   Continue reading

christmas and home again

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I could hav stayed home all day under covers, sipping tea and staring into the fire.  But . . . 

Arrived in Madison in the wee hours of this morning and had a good, long sleep.  This morning we breakfast and then puttered made lists—of all I’ve been thinking of this past week, of getting ready for the new year, of groceries we need to buy today.  Julia googled swords to add to a drawing in Adobe Draw—I am encouraging the use of layers.  Her use is artificial right now and I could be wrong in my directions, but I am assuming the some practice will benefit her in the long run. She is using her new stylus although she is still at times reverting to her fingers. Continue reading

warming up. again.

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BC8FA5F7-ED3A-4854-9098-537273D16D76I meant to write a few days after the last entry, again last week, again during the weekend. But I did not. Funny thing about that.  Not writing, that is.  Use it or lose it.  How many abilities, gifts, talents is that true for?  On a day like today, it feels like everything!  Today, the ability to catch a thought, to fashion a phrase and to punctuate is a labor like getting on the treadmill months after the last gym visit.  Use of imagination, like a good run, will take warming up for a few days.  Or weeks.  Continue reading

evolution

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It was cold last night, only a few degrees colder than it was the night before.  At least, I think so.  And the thermostat was not set particularly low.  But we shivered through supper and homework.  Julia had had a moderately challenging day—she was late for study hall, her stomach hurt during reading and she still couldn’t present her earth science project due to some IT problem with her powerpoint.  She had math and earth science homework and a Death of a Salesman test to study for, and it was admittedly harder than usual to catch her attention. Once she was working, she was fine, though her processing speed slowed to a half crawl at times.  But we got through it all. She was incredibly tired which has become the new normal more than half her days.  I’m not sure if it is that without the ADHD meds, her body runs down sooner, or that she is exhausted from working harder to concentrate on any form of work throughout the day, or something else.   Continue reading

weekend update

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CC205581-33FB-4AE4-A011-F431601D05A9Loneliness, as in an uncomfortable emotion, passes and I am left alone in the house with Julia back at school and feeling really okay about my aloneness, as in the state of being with no company apart from my own.  And the cat.  

Quick meds update: Julia is still off her Concerta.  Friday night we went to Overture to see School of Rock, a rather kid noisy rock musical with a very enthusiastic cast including about a dozen kids.  Julia enjoyed it.  So much so that when the kids sang, “Stick it to the Man” (The chorus if not the name of the song), Julia was ready to get up and join the cast on stage, and if not on stage, at least stand up and raise her fist and wave her hair.  My hand had to rest gently in her lap to keep her in her seat.  We were in the balcony which may have helped keep her in her seat.  Had we been in the orchestra . . .  Continue reading

all good enough

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Just a few things up front:

Being alone with Julia for a holiday can be somewhat lonely for me. 

There are few lovely moments to lean into during the irregularity of a tradition-less holiday. 

When joy is elusive, self-pity sneaks in steals all the cookies and leaves crumbs in bed.

Totally unfair is a science project that is due next week—in a moment of pique, I cursed the offending teacher with Christmas day essay grading with only non-alcoholic eggnog to drink.   Continue reading