We drove up to Ashland, WI, during the weekend, a short trip to go to a memorial service. I’ve not been that far north and although the weather was wet, damp, then rainy and rather cold, there were trees to drive through and lake beaches to walk on. I fell into writing about where Julia is this summer which I’ll post separately.
I loved getting out of Madison! Apart from a very few quick trips to the Chicago burbs, its been months since we’ve left. I love Madison but I crave travel. Driving up north was unexpectedly satisfying. Quiet, gray, rolling hills, lots of evergreen trees and water. The lake looking so vast that a casual observer might mistake it for a sea. And the lupines! I have not driven through a landscape of wild lupines. Like in Barbara Cooney’s story of Alice Rumphius, a kid’s book I haven’t thought about in years. The lupines were beautiful. Someone at the memorial said they were invasive. It may be wrong but I wish to be invaded by lupines. I stopped by the side of the road more than once trying unsuccessfully to capture what I saw.
The lupines were worth the drive. Continue reading
A friend explained that she was distracted because she heard of another death. My first thought was of how another person was going to have to go through that journey. I sighed and felt bone tired weary. I know, I know, it’s inevitable and I know every journey is different — beloved partner to acquaintance, tragic, expected, prepared for, unexpected — but it is the journey from brokenness to the 
This morning my eyes opened before the alarm rang to the reality of the next month or so. OK probably it’s going to be six weeks. The pain is subsiding and I’m feeling somewhat claustrophobic and trapped inside my house. After a few days of trying to do things with one nondominant hand, I’m ready to admit to the utter uselessness of that hand for anything other than picking stuff up off the floor. I need some help.
Last year I began my resolutions by reflecting on the old year and reviewing the resolutions and goals that I had proposed. The process bore fruit. An overarching idea surfaced and I realized a guiding principle. Not that I always acted from that principle or could check off all of the tasks that I set for myself, but I appreciated the guidance. The principle was a simple one: To allow. Right now, I can remember so many times when I forgot it, when I pushed and strained, when I insisted. And many of those times turned out badly, or merely not in anyone’s highest good. Although I feel the need to move on from this principle, I want to remember to allow without thought of success or failure, without expectation or grasping.