On Saturday, Julia and I sat in the sun drenched widowed front of a sausage shop feasting on Chinese-southwestern inspired links and real French fries. None of it our usual fare. Then again, the amount of sun pouring through those windows didn’t feel like usual fare either. So much so that I squinted as I typed and Julia’s glasses turned a very dark gray. But we did not move. I squinted as long as I could little and let every inch of exposed skin drink in the light.
Perhaps I photosynthesized. Julia did not humor my hypothesis.
February ended in a gentle breeze and I was convinced that spring was around the next corner, not more than a month away. We spied some green shoots in the front garden. Of course, the first of March, it snowed chasing away my belief in early spring.
I will carefully begin gardening again this spring. A month at a gym and religiously doing my PT exercises is beginning to reap results. There are actually days without pain meds and activity stopping pain. And I can bend down! I have never before taken such joy in retrieving dropped paper. I can even put on my socks without sitting down. Still, I have been grumpy so much of the last few weeks. It has been a long sloshing trek towards wellness. I am not there yet. Still a bit scared to go to a yoga class. What if I re-insure myself? No reason to believe that this will be the case but . . .
Oh, I hate “buts”! There was a point during the last month when I confronted the notion of not gardening again. Of not returning to yoga class. Of making a much more sedentary life. I took it in and tasted it, like one does with fine chocolate. I understood something new about possibility before I spit it out and headed to the gym.
I cannot help but be an optimist. Perhaps cockeyed, to be sure.
And then to comment on this picture. My favorite photo of the last year. Taken at the Museo Egizio de Torino, Egyptian Museum of Turin. These two little vessels found in some ancient tomb. Most of that wonderful museum is serious and impressive, the best Egyptian tomb collection that I have ever seen, possibly in the world. But when I set eyes on these two little vessels, found in some noble tomb, I laughed out loud. Such silliness. Such idiosyncrasy. Such character. So, so, so different from everything else! Were these done by a master burial potter? Or his 9 year old off spring? Did they really belong in the tomb or were they snuck in to delight the maker? Or were they lovingly placed by a kind uncle? Or were there hundreds and hundreds of this style vessel once made and then lost because of accident or intentional destruction? Perhaps the answers could be easily found. Perhaps not. If I could have a little vessel like one of these, it would delight me, possibly for the rest of my life. But for now, even without any answers, I come back to the picture over and over merely to feel the delight and smile.
This week, that between Christmas and the changing of calendars, is time this year for a re-set, time to put amendments into practice, time to change or dedicate self to the same. Time to practice resolutions while being released from much of the daily grind. Julia and I could stay inside for days at a time without missing a single appointment. Although there have been years when we have travelled the week, and so many Facebook friends are posting pictures of just that, we lie fallow in our snug house, slowly cleaning up from a week of a houseful of young women, slowly getting Julia back on the schedule of school work that keeps her regulated during our everyday. We don’t even expect our biweekly dinner guests tonight due to flu at their house. We slip outdoors for errands—pick up meds, deliver the letter canceling old insurance, check out library books, CDs and DVDs, and buy bananas and salad greens—and return to tea, a fire and poppyseed rolls. I have such gratitude for the simplicity of these few days.
Quiet holidays. Tonight, Julia and I are home. We’ve been in all day. No rushing around. No therapy. No school. And especially, no shopping. As is my preference, I’ve done as much my gift buying online. I am no fan of the frenzied holiday stampede although I admit the need to examine with eyes and finger some potential purchases.
I am stopping at my French cafe on the way to a Mindful Circle workshop. I have time to eat my favorite pain aux raison and sip a cafe au lait. As expected the woman behind greets me like an old friend and seems to remember that the last time I came in I had to settle for another pastry. I practice my few French phrases and indeed she corrects my pronunciation. The very center of my pastry is still warm and the baker is still bringing out the fruits of the morning’s labor.
Chasing Joy 