Last year I began my resolutions by reflecting on the old year and reviewing the resolutions and goals that I had proposed. The process bore fruit. An overarching idea surfaced and I realized a guiding principle. Not that I always acted from that principle or could check off all of the tasks that I set for myself, but I appreciated the guidance. The principle was a simple one: To allow. Right now, I can remember so many times when I forgot it, when I pushed and strained, when I insisted. And many of those times turned out badly, or merely not in anyone’s highest good. Although I feel the need to move on from this principle, I want to remember to allow without thought of success or failure, without expectation or grasping.
This year there are two ideas surfacing: Use ego as a foundational tool and strength. Allow my generous heart to serve as guide. In one sense, the two may appear more active. They are. On the other hand, they feel like continuations of allowing. Certainly, the second grows from allowing plus a few resolutions that have been on my list for a few years. The first comes from need. Recently, I’ve come to a realization that I may never have a partner again in this lifetime. Okay, duh! To the extent that partner means an intimate relationship, I’ve been partnerless for six and a half years and perhaps I should have taken the hint sooner. But it is more. I have been dependent upon others in a way unhealthy for for my soul’s growth and it is time for me to find my own foundation and my strength. This is not the severing of connections. I am valuing my connections, my friends, my community and certainly, my family more than ever. But they are not purpose and not for survival. Those are up to me. Alone. And although feeling rather inarticulate about the fullness of this feeling, I hope to explore it and grow with it in the coming year.
2017 guiding principles: Use ego as a foundational tool and strength. Allow my generous heart to serve as a guide.
And now for 2017 resolutions:
Sit
Be gentle with dualities
Give more, expect less
Love extravagantly
Ask for help
Cultivate courage in fearful circumstances
Keep moving
Write
Turn off the screens and read
And now some tasks for the first six months of 2017:
Teach Julia about friendship
Develop Mindful Circle
Plan travel
Question high school and contemplate home
Schedule posts for the website and blogs
Write panksy
Consider the possibility of home projects
*art by Duy Huynh
Milwaukee. The 90-mile-away city that we never visit. But there we were for the wedding of one of Julia’s long time therapists who, years after she left Madison, we still miss. A pretty wedding at the Milwaukee Yacht Club on a blue skied sunny fall day. The chilly air was warmed by a sun enough to make the outdoor ceremony with dock and lake view utterly pleasant to sit through. Although we knew no one but the bride, Julia was welcomed like a cousin. Ever generous, Michelle has for years shared Julia stories with her family, roommates and fellow marching band members. And that eased our way into the party. Julia exchanged news about Sonic and Mario with many willing listeners. And after dinner, Julia wanted to dance and found willing partners. 
It would have been a hard weekend if all had gone well. But all did not go well and I am on the other side of it. My head aches, my stomach is both tight and churning. And although I slept the night hard with a loving dream of an old professor’s praise for a new child, I awoke exhausted. I could have dropped Julia off at school and ducked beneath the covers. I didn’t. I know my blue moods. This one did not creep up. It was a definite possibility from the start. Though I prepared and hoped it would not to come to fruition, the aftermath could not be unexpected. 
Chasing Joy 
