some almost resolutions

Morning, for another hour.  Sitting cozy in the living room with a fire crackling and some very grand Viennese waltzes on public radio.  Belly full of Irish Oatmeal with pecans and maple syrup.  Texting New Year’s wishes with Cheshire and another friend.  Working though resolutions and a late holiday letter.  Dithering really.  Trying very hard, and succeeding very well to allow for the simple joys of the day to wash over me.

One overarching resolution rises to the surface, although my articulation of it falters: to allow.  To allow without pushing.  To allow and embrace what comes.  To allow and accept.  To allow and open to the bumps in the journey and the smooth parts too.  To allow in the present without reference to regrets from the past or expectations of the future.  To plan, to be sure, plan Julia’s school work for today and tomorrow, plan returning to Italy, plan to learn Italian, plan to see friends and movies and theater, plan Mindful Circle and plan on writing, plan on healing my body and becoming strong.  But to do so without thought of success or failure, without expectation and grasping.

Is this a resolution or a fantastical wish?  Or both?

And one more.  To be grateful for all of it.  Good, wonderful, fantastic, sad, frustrating and down right heart breaking.  To feel the privilege of every breath.

IMG_0094And then to comment on this picture.  My favorite photo of the last year.  Taken at the Museo Egizio de Torino, Egyptian Museum of Turin.  These two little vessels found in some ancient tomb.  Most of that wonderful museum is serious and impressive, the best Egyptian tomb collection that I have ever seen, possibly in the world.  But when I set eyes on these two little vessels, found in some noble tomb, I laughed out loud.  Such silliness.  Such idiosyncrasy.  Such character.  So, so, so different from everything else!  Were these done by a master burial potter?  Or his 9 year old off spring?  Did they really belong in the tomb or were they snuck in to delight the maker?  Or were they lovingly placed by a kind uncle?  Or were there hundreds and hundreds of this style vessel once made and then lost because of accident or intentional destruction?  Perhaps the answers could be easily found.  Perhaps not.  If I could have a little vessel like one of these, it would delight me, possibly for the rest of my life.  But for now, even without any answers, I come back to the picture over and over merely to feel the delight and smile.

Happy New Year.

[I have finally started blogging on Mindful Circle, the website for my mindfulness workshops.  Please check out the website and the blog if you have the chance.]

One thought on “some almost resolutions

  1. Happy New Year Suzanne and Julia! Again, I love the flow of your writing as much as the content. I like your resolution “to allow.” I’m going to spend some time thinking about that in 2016. Much love, Julia

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