I am finished! Now, perhaps the words, a few thoughts will come. I have described the last two or so weeks as “not writers block.” Really, I always have something to say, some of it not incredibly inspiring, perhaps most of it not very inspiring, but usually cogent. However, recently I sit down at my usual writing times and discover that the words come slowly, are forced, and trite, are almost stupidly simple. “I’m having a hard day,” was the start on Tuesday and then nothing after that.
My only reason: the accumulation of way too full a plate of tasks and calls. Perhaps completely spacing an unusually scheduled therapy appointment derailed my focused forward movement, perhaps it is the sigh of completion.
Early evening yesterday, I packed up the last of the unwieldy possessions into a tall cardboard wardrobe and made the list of box contents that ranges from music stand to over large baskets to cloth grocery bags and small rake. I have been rather irrationally stressed over organization of articles in boxes, which room boxes should be labeled to be put in and what to do about boxes that are not completely full.
And then I let go. The last few boxes are a jumble and/or they could have used a few more books or pots to fill them. And all that is good. Everything, save last boxes, continuing with us on this journey is boxed and labeled.
Late last night, I walked the house. Early cardboard minimalism dotted with furniture free of adornment. There are still the “last” boxes to do the day before, morning of in our bedrooms, the kitchen and bathroom. There is stuff to put in the car, and some kitchen stuff to get back to my friend who loaned me college dishes and flatware. Another friend, a chef friend, cooked for us and put delicious, healthy food into the fridge that only needs a quick warm and plating. Early next week, I’ll clean out the fridge of opened jars of jelly and salsa. I have a few bottles of wine to either gift or pack in that last kitchen box. Taking at least one bottle, tucked into the last kitchen box, seems imminently wise. I am ready.
Days have been spent on the phone, turning off and on utilities, insurances, reservations for the way out. 1,200 miles (give or take) from Emerson St. to Jenison St. Three days of driving with no need to rush. I was looking to take an extra day or two somewhere and looked into Toronto, but a city, a new, big city was too much for me to take in. And Toronto didn’t quite fit into a four day drive without one day of driving over eight hours. Friends suggested Seneca Falls, NY, which I did not at first consider but tucked in the back of my mind because it has been on my wish list for a long time. When Toronto was too big to wrap my head around, I plotted the course again and Rochester was the perfect stopping point. Seneca Falls is only a hop and skip from Rochester and the perfect small place to explore for a day, satisfy my history itch and entertain us for a day. It is also close to the Harriet Tubman House and that excites Julia. So, thank you, Renee and Jackie, putting the thought in my head was an excellent notion.
One last thought today. I have been feted and fed, been given all kinds of help and support by a kind and generous community. And there have been comments of thanks and recognition for work done or support given, and frankly, without intending to be at all falsely modest, there is so little to thank me for. I have pondered this, wanting to be gracious but knowing deep inside that I have done so little. It has been a question that I’ve taken to sit with and with deep surprise an answer surfaced. Long ago, in a gratitude/intention journal I wrote in every night for a very long time, I wrote that “I am doing the work of my heart.” I wrote at a time when my ‘work’ did not satisfy my heart and I could see no way to make a change. I re-read this intention when I handled the journal to pack it and the intention to do this heart work jumped out at me. Indeed, that is all I have done, it is what I have been blessed with. I hope my eyes and soul are open to find further work of my heart tomorrow and always.
Loading day: 6 days. Leaving Madison: 7 days. Unloading window: July 1-8. Promised to be closed up, at least a little bit, on loading day. And yeah, just a bit of anxious about the window but curious about what we will find to do with the portal of transition.