So, wow and thanks to the rather excruciating tiring hike of Friday. Yes, I complained about exhaustion and didn’t complain about sore muscles Saturday but it worked wonders. Today, we took a bike ride around our little bay and I almost enjoyed it.
I am out of shape. Yes. Indeed. Add to that, I have a 10 year old bike that was a $65 Lowe’s special when it was new. The brakes are almost nonexistent and the handle bar is unstable. I’m almost sure that more is wrong with it but I’ve been putting off a tune up because I expect that someone will seize it to cut it apart for parts.
Ok, just a bit of hyperbole.
So, out of shape, bad bike and Julia rides pretty slow. She is doing a great job these days starting out, balancing, keeping those pedals going and stoping using her brakes, but she rides slowly. Last week, riding slowly seemed to be a special kind of painful hell.
Oh, and also, I ride with a bit of stress. Worried about how Julia is doing, whether she will fall down or into traffic or hit a jogger.
Today, we were half way around the bay when I realized that I was feeling pretty good. Julia was still going slowly and there was a brisk breeze blowing against us and the handle bar needed bracing, but I was not out of breath and no part of my body hurt. I think that whatever body parts were put in gear during our long hike was exactly what I needed to begin again.
Back on the bandwagon of a strong, well-maintained body.
This week, the week before vacation, will be busy and bittersweet. Julia’s graduation ceremony — known as the moving on ceremony — is on Wednesday. Thursday is the last day of school. Thursday is also the day of our party for every teacher, therapist and aid that we can get to our house. I am so lucky that my friend, Amy, will help with the prep and the hosting. I can probably do this all myself but there is comfort and familiarity doing it with someone. I wonder if I should be insisting of learning to do it all myself or if the lesson is in the interdependence that is not a partner. David and I enjoyed hosting and cooking and prepping. No wonder there is still the flavor of the old life in making a menu and a shopping list. This sweet nostalgia stands quite apart from what it feels like to leave Randall School. I have absolutely no reason to imagine that middle school will not be as wonderful as elementary, but the fear of the unknown gnaws at my boots.
Big breath in, big breath out.
On Saturday, there will be a all-Quest reunion retreat. It is only one day and I am part of the small committee that is putting it together. The committee work has been fun and interesting. My duties — to do two readings and lead the Japanese Crane moving meditation — are not terribly demanding. I am excited to do them. It is stepping ever close to where I want to be. But the day is the end of Quest activities for at least a year.
Our third bedroom, aka Cheshire’s bedroom, has been redecorated. And yes, this relates to everything I’ve written although I couldn’t have asked for a more abrupt transition. The feeling of cleaning out the stale Chi from the corners of the room, of moving furniture about and of needing to make it pretty have done just that. New striped roman shades, a new rug, and new bedding. There is a small bench that needs the seat recovered but the room is ready.
So much is ready for the new — Julia and middle school, some project or adventure for me to stumble upon and a guest room to fill. I felt the lifting of grieving last autumn but I feel the anticipation of the next adventure now.
I bring what I am and what I’ve done and all my reasons but I do it now with an unburdened heart. I am so curious to see what comes.