Updates and stories about my daughter from China who came home with challenges described in letters—PDD-NOS (on the autism spectrum), ADHD and RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). Her learning curve has been steep and therapy is a way of life. School and social interactions are a challenge. Making art is a way of life. So is a vivid imagination.
When I go to open the journal/blog file and it is not in the “most recent” list, I know for sure it has been too long. My fingers ache with my scribbling deficiency but my head is stuffed with Earth Science facts, easy algebra and a lesson on loving myself from James Baraz.
Lately, I have not been happy. A bit overwhelmed and second guessing myself about my big decisions. Dissatisfied and pining for a different life. This morning, life is good! Continue reading
Julia ZhiKuang is 18 years old. What a journey! Unexpected and unimaginable but the very stuff of our family. A very, very happy birthday, my dear girl!
The week has been a challenge. Getting back after a weekend away. A weekend in which we visited what felt like many groups of friends and a few relatives. Julia and I enjoyed seeing her godmother, my Indy friends, the China Sisters, and my niece, nephew, their kids and parents. It all went by quickly and smoothly. Even the drive back was smooth and easy—cloudy driving day, warm enough to take off coats in the car. The niggle in a far back corner of my mind reminding me that there will be goodbye visits that will feel much like this particular weekend. Continue reading
I could hav stayed home all day under covers, sipping tea and staring into the fire. But . . .
Arrived in Madison in the wee hours of this morning and had a good, long sleep. This morning we breakfast and then puttered made lists—of all I’ve been thinking of this past week, of getting ready for the new year, of groceries we need to buy today. Julia googled swords to add to a drawing in Adobe Draw—I am encouraging the use of layers. Her use is artificial right now and I could be wrong in my directions, but I am assuming the some practice will benefit her in the long run. She is using her new stylus although she is still at times reverting to her fingers. Continue reading
We arrived in Charlestown for dinner on Saturday and on Sunday, eve of the eve, Julia and I were treated to a very Boston Christmas experience . . .
Starting with Cheshire and Justin’s tree
Yesterday’s solstice. The days are gray, almost dark enough to need lights in the house all day. By 3:45, artificial light is mandatory and by 4:30 the sun set. I put on out window, porch and tree lights for the night and left them on until the morning. I want to be part of the calling in the light. Continue reading
I meant to write a few days after the last entry, again last week, again during the weekend. But I did not. Funny thing about that. Not writing, that is. Use it or lose it. How many abilities, gifts, talents is that true for? On a day like today, it feels like everything! Today, the ability to catch a thought, to fashion a phrase and to punctuate is a labor like getting on the treadmill months after the last gym visit. Use of imagination, like a good run, will take warming up for a few days. Or weeks. Continue reading
Loneliness, as in an uncomfortable emotion, passes and I am left alone in the house with Julia back at school and feeling really okay about my aloneness, as in the state of being with no company apart from my own. And the cat.
Quick meds update: Julia is still off her Concerta. Friday night we went to Overture to see School of Rock, a rather kid noisy rock musical with a very enthusiastic cast including about a dozen kids. Julia enjoyed it. So much so that when the kids sang, “Stick it to the Man” (The chorus if not the name of the song), Julia was ready to get up and join the cast on stage, and if not on stage, at least stand up and raise her fist and wave her hair. My hand had to rest gently in her lap to keep her in her seat. We were in the balcony which may have helped keep her in her seat. Had we been in the orchestra . . . Continue reading
Just a few things up front:
Being alone with Julia for a holiday can be somewhat lonely for me.
There are few lovely moments to lean into during the irregularity of a tradition-less holiday.
When joy is elusive, self-pity sneaks in steals all the cookies and leaves crumbs in bed.
Totally unfair is a science project that is due next week—in a moment of pique, I cursed the offending teacher with Christmas day essay grading with only non-alcoholic eggnog to drink. Continue reading
Weekend: Days 4 and 5 Concerta free. On Saturday, Julia took a 3 hour nap in the afternoon. I woke her for supper. She ate, did some homework, read a bit, watched half of Death of a Salesman on YouTube, watched a bit of Great British Bakeoff and then asked to go to sleep. She was snoring by 9. She didn’t have a nap on Sunday but again she was in bed and asleep by 9.
She is eating. Like a Hobbit, we say — second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, and supper. She was ready for them all. She went through a week’s worth of fruit in 2.5 days and yesterday, she ate the crust on a piece of pizza and said she loved bread. She never eats crusts and has never loved bread. Is it hunger, a desire for the physical act of eating and/or taste?
Chasing Joy 