Working on specific projects — this Sunday’s service at my church, the writing prompt for next week’s meeting of my new writing group at FUUSN, and the agenda for the writing class I’ll be facilitating at HILR in October. Both the writing groups are called Letters—In the Company of Writers.

I need to say that this was not the way I intended to spend my summer—I had “simplified” my usual routine and intended to be editing the “big” memoir all summer. I had blocked out days that were not going to be for anything other than writing/editing and had given up any wish for leaving town for any length of time.  

And then . . . 

Right, no one forced any of my current tasks on me.  I was asked to do the service (when what had been planned fell through), but I did accept. The writing groups—at FUUSN and HILR—were completely self-generated. The groups are an idea that has been brewing in the back of my head for a long time and tried out at a few church retreats. Now, I wonder if I secretly was hoping that no one at FUUSN and HILR would sign up for what I was offering. 

I don’t think so, but . . . 

And another thought—have I generated these projects to avoid working on the bigger writing I’ve assigned myself?

The church service is called “Chasing Joy,” and somehow I thought it was going to be easy to put it together.  Part of it was — I knew what I wanted to say.  Well, sort of. And god knows, I’ve been writing here about joy and the chasing of it for a long time.  It took me weeks to really get down to the drafting of my reflections.  I had too many notes.

My not-quite-incoherent draft was read by someone at FUUSN and by Ed.  Both of them had good notes to give me.  Notes that I totally resented at first because, after all, I just wanted praise for a job well done, not ways to improve my not-quite-incoherent draft.  

This first reaction is not a surprise. It is part of my process.  After effort, I want praise. Or is it just ego? Or am I lazy?

Anyway, I managed to get out of my own way and hopefully improve, maybe clarify is a better word, what I want to say.

I shall see. I’m not nervous although I want to say something thought-provoking.  This is a summer service and no one expects me to deliver a minister-quality service. God knows, I am not doing that.  

But is that my aim, my hope? OMG!!

And then the writing groups. Title: Letters—In the Company of Writers.  I’m going to copy the description that I have on my HILR website for the class for quick explanation:

“We used to write letters—thank-you notes, long heartfelt messages, and casual chats on paper. Now, emails, social media, and texts have taken over. While they get the job done, they’ve drained the soul out of the exchange. The goal of this writing class is to dig deep into the joy of expression—sharing information and opinions, connecting with fellow writers and their words, reflecting on the thoughts that surface in the writing process, and most importantly, having fun with language. Each session will start with a quick writing exercise based on a prompt, followed by reading aloud and discussion. Then, we’ll write again, this time responding to a classmate’s words, creating a back-and-forth conversation through writing. If time allows, we’ll keep the exchange going.”

The FUUSN group will meet monthly for a while and see where it goes. The HILR group will meet for six weeks starting in October.  The next meeting of the FUUSN group is a week from today.  Friday afternoon.  I had planned to use a poem as a prompt.

And I can’t find one.

How many thousands of poems have been written?  How many have I looked at in the past two weeks?  

Many.

For our first meeting at the beginning of July, I chose a few lines from a poem and a very short reflection that I had written about those lines. This time I was looking for a stand-alone poem—not too long—that would start us.  I had three possible topics in mind and just could not find exactly what I was looking for.

Finally, today, I gave up the search and edited a little story I wrote about my old desk.  It is almost as short as I imagined it should be. It is both specific and general enough to jump-start some thoughts/ideas in my writers.

But it led to a longer think about using my own words as part of this workshop.  I hadn’t expected to do that.  And I am a little nervous about doing it.  Was I imagining that leaning on some published poem, I would be off the hook for inspiring what we write together? 

Maybe.

And this decision to base at least this next meeting on my own writing may have implications for what I do at HILR. 

There, I am putting together a 6-week class. There will be readings to be done outside of class that will be about published letters and writing. I expected to find poems/writings to start the in-class writing. Again, expecting to lean on published poets for inspiration.

Umm.

I’m writing about this here because it is what I am spending time and energy on. It is moving outside of my comfort zone and possibly taking a chance that will not work as well as . . . possibly, will fail. Also, I have no real idea where it will go. Will these groups progress? Will the writers find this kind of exercise meaningful or perhaps useful?  I don’t have the answers to my questions about the process and I don’t have a way to figure out the answers apart from committing to the process. 

And admittedly, I am scared . . . well, at least nervous. 

I feel like I am jumping into the deep end, but how else can I get wet?