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Opening my eyes at 5:10 and rising at 5:30 to get dressed to hit the grocery stores with a list at 6. Someone in a zoom group said last week, “Who the hell is going to buy lettuce at 6?”

Umm.

The last time I was grocery shopping was Saturday, March 14. Ten days ago. We could go a few more days before we eat the last of the apples, carrots and celery. We are out of milk and bread and coffee and have been for a few days. And Julia’s favorite tea. Two apples, 3 oranges and two onions and a mostly full freezer. If I restock now, I could keep out of stores for two weeks. These last 10 days have made our dependence on fresh food so clear. Shop the outside aisles of a supermarket. My pride (okay, admittedly I don’t think about it much at all) at packing Julia healthy lunches and keeping us away from junk food has given way to ice cream in the freezer and two kinds of cookies in the cupboard. Julia longs for noodle lunches and chocolate chip cookies. Not hard to please our hungry souls.

I read another blog post about being exhausted from doing nothing. Yes. Of course, it is not nothing. No one but the youngest and the oldest among us is doing nothing. If nothing else, I’m vigilant. But that is not all. Acknowledging our incredible privilege to be in a warm house, not fearful (at the moment) about income, I balance our days between work and amusement, making sure I steer through calm waters, over thinking for sure but never casting my mind too far ahead. Or behind.

Doing my best in our present moment. Alive and decidedly resolved to stay so. With the knowledge that whole universes can stop and change direction on a dime. Thankful for community. And resilience. And Facebook and Zoom.

We are not as resilient as cockroaches but we’re doin’ okay.