Sunday: 62 degrees at the end of February. We must be outside, but I do not feel free to dictate in public. Sigh. Ego or just not wanting mothers with small children to move away from me. So I type with one hand. Slowly and with fewer capitals. We’re at Burney’s Beach, a tiny made-beach on our bay, after a special ed advocate’s meeting in a coffee shop. Julia is sculpting in the sand and I . . . I sit like a turtle in the sun craving the warm, gentle warmth. This is the time of year when I can imagine giving up the four seasons in favor of eternal spring.
The meeting: Politically, I am totally out of the educational policy loop. It will be an effort if I want to catch up. I need to if I want to figure out what I can contribute. Believing that the way to change is at the local level where passion lies, the spirit is willing . . .
Creative workshop: My writing prompt for Friday was “where do you go next?” I chewed on that for two days. I have tended towards making lists, each one longer and more comprehensive than the last. But the wisdom on the wrist combined with the awakening joy readings (part of an online mindfulness class) seem to be providing alternatives. I recognize that I cannot do all I want to fit into my days, and usually I am lacking in the self compassion that I need to accept any limitation. So, where I want to go next is to self compassion. Allowing myself weekends off, to play, to do other things. I started writing last week. Fiction. Something I’ve been contemplating but have not stuck more than a total into the vast river of imagination. Last week’s output was dismal. It felt like going to the gym for the first time in five years and wondering why I couldn’t swim a mile. Or two. Compassionately, I’ve decided to give myself six months and then be judgmental. I know, I know, I sounded rather judgmental just a sentence or two ago but I’ll consider that reporting on the exercise and reserve judgment for August.
The weekend: Julia I have been busy which feels great after two weeks of lying very low. Friday night, we saw Kanopy Dance Company’s Baba Yaga: Portrait of the Wickedest Witch. It was well done, costumes were fantastic and Julia really enjoyed yourself. After the show I wound up talking to a friend and Julia went around talking to cast. She was her inappropriate and awkward self I am sure but dancers are kind and Julia got to practice conversation.
On Saturday, we went to Milwaukee to meet with someone who will do Julia’s neuropsych exam. It was a preliminary meeting, a time to chat, provide some background and set up dates for extra testing. The driving was hard for me. I am usually two handed driver. I’ve been fine driving in town but the city highway was taxing. I won’t try it again until the cast comes off.
We got back to Madison just-in-time for church and then in the evening went to a lovely gathering. I began the evening thinking we would stay for just an hour and of course, we wound up being one of the last ones to leave.
On Sunday evening, I took Julia to see Hidden Figures. Some of the subtlety of the story may have gone over Julia’s head but she loved the story line and was very impressed by the women’s determination not give up. After the movie, she compared her marching in the January 21st women’s march to what the women in the movie did. To me, that felt dear and good. The child is learning something about social justice.
Chasing Joy 