IMG_2755It looks like Julia’s dancing ballerina dinosaurs will again be offered as part of a Paper Cloud Apparel fund raiser.  This time, they have asked if we have a local cause we would like to have proceeds going to.  I thought of the adaptive skating program that Julia is going to on Sunday afternoons.  Julia and a gaggle of other kids from very little to older teens work with volunteers in small groups and one on one to learn to skate.  The same folks offer an adaptive hockey team for older kids and adults and I know at least one person who is on the team.  Julia struggles a bit but she is willing to go each week and she is getting better little by little.

The organization is small and local and I suspect that even a small donation will help provide the services that no one else is providing.  When I talked to Julia about it, she was enthusiastic although she wanted to draw a new dinosaur with skates on.  I don’t think that is part of the deal, but I guess I could ask.

What a dream I had
dressed in organdy
clothed in crinoline
of smoky burgundy
softer than the rain

I typed ‘what a dream’ and the memory of that tune and those words sprang into mind.  I wanted to see them written.  Such a lovely tune.  So romantic.

But I did have a dream.  The first of its kind in a very long time.  Long ago, when life was that other life that I had, I would, every so often, dream of two people.  Boys, young men really.  One who I met during high school theater and the other an old boyfriend.  I rarely dreamt about people that I knew and these dreams were never really personal — I did not long to see either of these people.  Instead, the dreams were harbingers of change.  I would dream of seeing one of these people in some casual situation and within a few days or a week something would happen.

So, yes, this sounds fantastic.  Perhaps unbelievable, but it happened time after time and I grew quite used to it.  I dream of J. before I discovered I was pregnant with Cheshire, and of C. just before we got our travel approval to get Julia.  These dreams have fore shadowed changes of jobs and the discovery of new houses and scores of very minor changes.  After awhile, I would have a dream and then watch carefully for a change.  It was an internal alarm that I took quite for granted.  Of course, perhaps the dreams did not foreshadow anything.  Perhaps by assuming that change was coming, I was making or pushing a change that was already in progress.  Perhaps it was merely coincidental.

When David joined the transplant list waiting for a new heart, the dreams stopped.  All dreams stopped and there would be no harbingers of change.  It is only recently that I’ve begun to dream, or at least remember dreams, again, and just a few days ago, I had a dream of C.

We were riding a bus.  It was a long distance bus and it was crowded.  I had something voluminous on my lap and I was sitting by a window.  The seat in front of me had been pushed back with a napping passenger giving me even less space.  The person beside me left the bus. Another person in the seats opposite me also left and across from me, C. was sitting.  “Hello, Mr. M. (C’s last name),” I said.  He moved over to sit next to me and we chatted.  I remember none of what we talked about but it was amiable.  It was good to see him after such a long time.  In the dream, I was aware that it had been a very long time and commented on that.

And then I awoke.  For a few moments, I wondered about the dream and then it was a flash of recognition of the kind of dream that it was.

How wonderful to welcome to have those back in the repertoire.

During our Thanksgiving weekend, Julia wanted to copy the picture of Harry Potter that is on the cover of the DVD of the first HP movie.  It it a picture of Harry with his head tilted down and peering up.  Julia worked on a pencil drawing for a long time.  Slowly, she was able to do a pretty good job of the hair and eyes, but the mouth was defeating her.  She worked at the mouth and then showed it to the assembled crowd.  The elders smiled and told her she did a good job, but her sister and younger adults told her the truth.  She was told to work more on the mouth.  It was too thin, too wide, in the wrong place.  Julia has not been very amendable to criticism in the past but she was able to take the suggestions and then work on her drawing.  She listened to Chris or Cheshire or Reno and then acted on their suggestions and directions.  What emerged was a much better rendering of HP’s mouth and a much better picture.

How incredible.  Julia is listening, comprehending and acting on a suggestion.  This feels huge.  I worry social skills all the time and this feels huge.