5 july

Hand print on my heart.

Happiness. Joy. Is a decision. Not always, mind you. Joy takes energy. Joy takes resilience and power.

Today, I am choosing to get out of bed, to pick up eggs and milk, to do our daily school work and practice cello, to weed, to bake peanut butter cookies, to have supper with Robert and Mary and tonight to make deviled eggs for tomorrow’s brunch at Amy’s house. All of this is a choice. I could just as easily have limped through the day, let Julia do as she wants, probably play on her iPad all day, and get take out for supper. Choice is something that I have now and I am very grateful for it. Four years ago, three years, ago, two years ago I had few choices that involved joy. Last year, my choices began again. Although they felt narrow. My doors are open much wider now.

I chose to find joy. It still takes effort, like exercise, like running. Perhaps one day, once again, it will be my default setting. Right now, I have the energy to make it a choice.

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