melting days

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D053ACA6-0A6B-425E-956C-05FFE430E363I keep notes and draft of this online journal in monthly files.  At the top of the file, I have   monthly plans, goals or aspirations.  Sometimes “write more” or “daily sit” or “gym 3x week.” April’s “plans” say: remain curious, survive, grow compassion, nap.

Somewhat shameful admissions (Although I am hardly filled with shame for any of these) and other things: 

-Some kind of candy is a part of every shopping list.  This week, a bag of M&M’s. I don’t think I ever, in my own house, bought biweekly candy. I am eating some now. Continue reading

lessons

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A friend commented yesterday that this time is like a wild roller coaster ride.

Agreed.

Obsessively, I watch the John Hopkins virus resource center through out the day. Today, the worldwide total confirmed cases will reach one million with 50,000 dead. I stare at the numbers.

I have written for a post every day. I draft and leave it for awhile as is my usual process. By the time I get back to the draft a few hours later, even a few minutes later, I am in a completely different head space. Mind and soul seem to have climbed another mountain or fallen down another well. And it does not seem possible to edit to reflect where I’ve been or where I’ve gotten to. Continue reading

connection

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My orchid blooms! Gifted by Amy four years ago, carried from Madison last July.

Yesterday, Julia had two online class meeting and unfortunately we missed a third one. They were all set up the day before and if a student hadn’t checked where teachers usually post assignment, the student missed meetings.  These pre-class meet ups feel random but we in pre-schedule days.  It feels chaotic, hit or miss.  I want the schedule, the instruction book, some thing sure.  We are riding the waves like surfers and I happened to want to walk the well trod path.  Possibly paved.

At the beginning of the week, I cleared my google calendar. Julia glanced over at my computer and was appalled at what I was doing-wiping away school dismissal times, my HILR classes, her cello lessons, spring break travel plans, the school musical, etc. We needed a calming talk to ease her mind.  Then, I added new appointments, mostly on zoom, and there is no pattern. Not yet. Almost immediately there were conflicts—why does everyone, meaning 3 groups, want to schedule meetings at 1 p.m. on Thursdays? I need the calm talk right now.  We will miss appointments/classes/meetings.  And with gentle pushes forward and some long steady breaths, it will work out. Continue reading

day 12

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Opening my eyes at 5:10 and rising at 5:30 to get dressed to hit the grocery stores with a list at 6. Someone in a zoom group said last week, “Who the hell is going to buy lettuce at 6?”

Umm.

The last time I was grocery shopping was Saturday, March 14. Ten days ago. We could go a few more days before we eat the last of the apples, carrots and celery. We are out of milk and bread and coffee and have been for a few days. And Julia’s favorite tea. Two apples, 3 oranges and two onions and a mostly full freezer. If I restock now, I could keep out of stores for two weeks. These last 10 days have made our dependence on fresh food so clear. Shop the outside aisles of a supermarket. My pride (okay, admittedly I don’t think about it much at all) at packing Julia healthy lunches and keeping us away from junk food has given way to ice cream in the freezer and two kinds of cookies in the cupboard. Julia longs for noodle lunches and chocolate chip cookies. Not hard to please our hungry souls. Continue reading

walking, swinging & breathing

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4DF06869-363F-43FE-97B2-448FF55F3326We are proceeding slowly through our day.  This is truly our first day alone.  During the weekend, we had a guest who lingered and we saw Cheshire and Justin twice since school let out.  So, this is day 1 alone. 

No word from the school about work so it’s time to devise some of my own.  Looking through work from a few summers ago and thinking about what Julia is doing in her community math class, I decided on time as our math focus, one of Julia’s weaknesses and something that she needs to become proficient in to succeed as an adult.  Today, I made up a worksheet for the passage of days.  In school, they are working on the passage of minutes. Continue reading

day 5

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From yesterday: There is a puzzle on the dining room table and eggs in the kitchen ready to be made into pysanky.  Hoping to encourage Julia to do a drawing a day to post here. Trying to put some kind of schedule of our days together.  Loose to be sure. Motivation is lagging this morning and I haven’t made the call to nudge Julia or I into action. All I’ve done is answer a few emails and do the census online. Very, very curious about how we find our rhythm during this time. Considering all the time we have, we may just have time to live in these questions.

I made a big pot of beef stew yesterday and we have enough milk, eggs, cheese, rice and pasta to avoid markets for days.  The freezer is stocked with chicken breasts, soup, puttanesca sauce and frozen potatoes.  We are running out of bananas and spinach.  I usually don’t think about which fruit or veggie will go bad quickly, but avoiding stores . . . . What is a reasonable and responsible amount to time between shoppings? Continue reading