christmas and home again

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I could hav stayed home all day under covers, sipping tea and staring into the fire.  But . . . 

Arrived in Madison in the wee hours of this morning and had a good, long sleep.  This morning we breakfast and then puttered made lists—of all I’ve been thinking of this past week, of getting ready for the new year, of groceries we need to buy today.  Julia googled swords to add to a drawing in Adobe Draw—I am encouraging the use of layers.  Her use is artificial right now and I could be wrong in my directions, but I am assuming the some practice will benefit her in the long run. She is using her new stylus although she is still at times reverting to her fingers. Continue reading

warming up. again.

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BC8FA5F7-ED3A-4854-9098-537273D16D76I meant to write a few days after the last entry, again last week, again during the weekend. But I did not. Funny thing about that.  Not writing, that is.  Use it or lose it.  How many abilities, gifts, talents is that true for?  On a day like today, it feels like everything!  Today, the ability to catch a thought, to fashion a phrase and to punctuate is a labor like getting on the treadmill months after the last gym visit.  Use of imagination, like a good run, will take warming up for a few days.  Or weeks.  Continue reading

evolution

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It was cold last night, only a few degrees colder than it was the night before.  At least, I think so.  And the thermostat was not set particularly low.  But we shivered through supper and homework.  Julia had had a moderately challenging day—she was late for study hall, her stomach hurt during reading and she still couldn’t present her earth science project due to some IT problem with her powerpoint.  She had math and earth science homework and a Death of a Salesman test to study for, and it was admittedly harder than usual to catch her attention. Once she was working, she was fine, though her processing speed slowed to a half crawl at times.  But we got through it all. She was incredibly tired which has become the new normal more than half her days.  I’m not sure if it is that without the ADHD meds, her body runs down sooner, or that she is exhausted from working harder to concentrate on any form of work throughout the day, or something else.   Continue reading

weekend update

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CC205581-33FB-4AE4-A011-F431601D05A9Loneliness, as in an uncomfortable emotion, passes and I am left alone in the house with Julia back at school and feeling really okay about my aloneness, as in the state of being with no company apart from my own.  And the cat.  

Quick meds update: Julia is still off her Concerta.  Friday night we went to Overture to see School of Rock, a rather kid noisy rock musical with a very enthusiastic cast including about a dozen kids.  Julia enjoyed it.  So much so that when the kids sang, “Stick it to the Man” (The chorus if not the name of the song), Julia was ready to get up and join the cast on stage, and if not on stage, at least stand up and raise her fist and wave her hair.  My hand had to rest gently in her lap to keep her in her seat.  We were in the balcony which may have helped keep her in her seat.  Had we been in the orchestra . . .  Continue reading

all good enough

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Just a few things up front:

Being alone with Julia for a holiday can be somewhat lonely for me. 

There are few lovely moments to lean into during the irregularity of a tradition-less holiday. 

When joy is elusive, self-pity sneaks in steals all the cookies and leaves crumbs in bed.

Totally unfair is a science project that is due next week—in a moment of pique, I cursed the offending teacher with Christmas day essay grading with only non-alcoholic eggnog to drink.   Continue reading

days 4, 5 & 6

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Weekend:  Days 4 and 5 Concerta free.  On Saturday, Julia took a 3 hour nap in the afternoon.  I woke her for supper.  She ate, did some homework, read a bit, watched half of Death of a Salesman on YouTube, watched a bit of Great British Bakeoff and then asked to go to sleep.  She was snoring by 9.  She didn’t have a nap on Sunday but again she was in bed and asleep by 9.  

She is eating.  Like a Hobbit, we say — second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, and supper.  She was ready for them all.  She went through a week’s worth of fruit in 2.5 days and yesterday, she ate the crust on a piece of pizza and said she loved bread.  She never eats crusts and has never loved bread.  Is it hunger, a desire for the physical act of eating and/or taste?

Continue reading

adventure

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It is cold (but not like NYC with 6 inches of snow.  What’s up with that?). The garden has been put away. I am not forgetting to put on a hat and grab gloves when I go outside. Julia is wearing a coat (Why do teenagers think that underdressing is cool?). There is a thin coat of ice on our little bay.  There were large patches of gray, still water yesterday with just a few ripple-ly circles. 

Winter is coming. Continue reading

morning reflection

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Not a wave, not everything I wanted, but a check and possibility a balance and a call to accountability by at least one house of Congress.  Possibilities that did not exist yesterday.  It is politics and you never get everything you want.  In 2016, there was nothing for me.  Today, Julia is over joyed that Scott Walker is out—8 years, or is it 28, of union busting, gutting Wisconsin schools and selling the state to the highest bidder could possibly stop.  It saddens me to see how much of the country is still red in the worst way.  Not the conservatives of my youth (that I did not agree with but respected) but  a racist, misogynist, white national basket of deplorables with leaders ready to lie and manipulate almost without reason and certainly for political expediency.  Still, the deplorables and their leaders have ushered in a wave of opposition that has been depressed and despondent since 2016 and uninvolved for a good long time.  Women and people of color have stepped up and I believe that they are here to stay.  Brava!  Bravo!  Walking outside this morning, I felt Madison breath a sigh of relief—shoulders look a bit lower, music sounds a bit more vibrant, the cold air feels a bit cleaner.   There is tittering in the coffee shop this morning and a shit-eating grin on my face.

Now to work.