Tag: family

view from a different mountain

So many Facebook posts about dropping offspring at college.  Parents wondering about how very responsible children will live with strangers, pick courses and move around unfamiliar campuses, and how they will deal with empty nests.  Parents crying as they drive away. Had Facebook been available back when Cheshire was college aged, I may have said the same.  Now, I look from such a different view.  I want to hug them all and tell them—Celebrate! You are unbearably lucky!  You are so blessed!  You can see what your parenting has produced.  Your child is excited or at least willing to learn and be taught, to plunge into an interest, to make friends, to take on adventure of a new place, new people, a whole new culture.  And you can support them—financially and emotionally— in this journey.  You will certainly miss them but this, this very thing, is what you’ve trained them and yourself for.  

You are living in the best of times.

Posted on by Suzanne Buchko 0

china sisters

Traveling again!

It  is telling that after two years I only noticed on Friday morning at 4:30 a.m. that my street has no street lights.  We are catching a 6 a.m. plane Boston to Philly and then a later plane to Dayton, Ohio.  It was China Sisters Reunion weekend.  A Facebook post announced that this is the 16th reunion if our trip to China is included.

Ah, a trip to China.  I am still marveling that Julia and I have not gotten on a plane for more than 2 years.  How is that so?  

And yet, we were picked up and dropped off at Logan and entered into the swarm of early morning travelers.  The check in lines and kiosks buzzed with people.  People everywhere!  Carrying and pulling, asking questions and commenting excitedly, making people noises that made something of a soundtrack as we made our way to the departure gate.  I remember but I am hearing it all for the first time.  Like riding a bicycle, we quickly adapted to the old routines—printing boarding passes, finding security, getting into the TSA line, showing identification and pulling down each of our masks for a moment to make sure that the picture on the ID matched the person carrying the ticket.  Julia asked if she had to take off her shoes and we both forgot to take our phones out of jacket pockets. 

Continue reading →

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what i can say today

I am sad and angry.  Trying to find thoughts to share but it is all too raw. 

I do have three things to share that are lovely things that should not be hidden away because of all that makes me sad and angry.

First, is Julia’s senior pictures.  The sitting for these pictures, like everything else that Julia does, was not typical.  One of the two photographers who was working that day was immediately sensitive and took extra time and care, trying to make Julia comfortable and trying to capture some of the joy that is Julia.  From the proofs, I picked four.  One will go in the yearbook.

Continue reading →

Posted on by Suzanne Buchko 4

new year baby

Happy Birthday to my baby girl who was bald for a long time, a squirmy worm who preferred to snuggly to the stroller, the baby who didn’t sleep that first year and had a smile and a laugh to melt her groggy parents’ hearts.

This year has been full of so much joy and so much ambiguity.  Through everything you are still a wonder.  All grace and ease. Your new year holds new challenges and I am so happy to be close enough to have a front row seat.  With face masks and social distancing, of course.

You are the apple that makes the tree look pretty darn good.  Happy, happy new year!

Posted on by Suzanne Buchko 1

why is this night . . .

3C739B05-B6D1-4C82-977A-9096DF6DA02FI have a few moments after a busy morning.

Julia took a long bath and then settled into working on our virus-designated puzzle.  No real work has been done on it since our house guest of a few weeks ago left.  I’ve fiddled some nights but I am pretty dismal at putting pieces together.  After bathing, I ask Julia what she was doing and she said the puzzle.  I let her be. About an hour later, the outside pieces of the puzzle finally all fit together and a significant swath of the dragon fire was done.

I spent the morning getting ready for tonight’s Seder.  We are zooming with Cheshire and Justin at their home and a few young friends, each in their respective homes.  Cheshire sent directions and this year’s Haggadah.  We have a tradition of writing or putting together our own Haggadah each year following what David did for years.  This year version is more serious, perhaps a three Kleenex affair, and reflective of our circumstances. I approve.  It is sad to have moved so far to be together on celebrations like this and still be apart.  It is sad to have hoped for a big gathering and to have to make do with two of us sitting in front of my laptop.  Still, we gather to be together and nurture joy.  Continue reading →

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melting days

D053ACA6-0A6B-425E-956C-05FFE430E363I keep notes and draft of this online journal in monthly files.  At the top of the file, I have   monthly plans, goals or aspirations.  Sometimes “write more” or “daily sit” or “gym 3x week.” April’s “plans” say: remain curious, survive, grow compassion, nap.

Somewhat shameful admissions (Although I am hardly filled with shame for any of these) and other things: 

-Some kind of candy is a part of every shopping list.  This week, a bag of M&M’s. I don’t think I ever, in my own house, bought biweekly candy. I am eating some now. Continue reading →

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sliding time

FA5D7231-271E-492D-8A1D-4F308E7844C3 This may be the longest I’ve gone between blog posts. Time slides sideways; old challenges simmer; new ones poke their heads out of cold dirt like cheeky snow drops.  February was either 8 or 46 days long.  Julia’s behavior dominate this winter time.  My excuse for not posting here is the detailed daily log of Julia that I have been keeping.  Illuminating but time consuming and emotionally draining. I will write about her soon.  For now, just to note that last Tuesday, she hit a new low.  Julia had a screaming, crying melt down in front of school and when she was coaxed into the building, she banged her head against a wall hard enough to cause alarm about a concussion.  Although I’d like to believe that it was an incident not to be repeated, self-harm could be the natural progression of the dis-regulation that has been part of everyday life. Continue reading →

Posted on by Suzanne Buchko 4

year of the rat

Unknown-1Happy Year of the Rat!

or

恭贺新禧 (gōng hè xīn xǐ) Literal translation: respectful congratulations on the New Year.

Yesterday, after cello lesson Julia and I went to The Dumpling Palace in China town for lunch and celebration.  The restaurant was noisy, tables too close together, everyone was either leaning very close together to be heard talking or speaking loudly. We were asked to sit at a round table with two other small parties. The wait staff hurried from table to kitchen and back to tables. The arrival of dishes was announced and diners shouted to claim what was theirs. Julia had beef stew noodle soup, I had hot and sour soup, and we shared beef and crab juicy dumplings. Ours was a very small order for two compared to our tables mates but it filled us up. There was no encouragement to rush through the meal and the tea pot was replaced more than once. As we left, waiters wishes us a Happy New Year and when we returned the wishes, there were smiles.  Continue reading →

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january

I wrote the initial draft of this entry on 11 January, and then, forgot about it. So, a bit of editing around the edges but I didn’t want to change verb tense.

It is physically satisfying to type 2020.

What a weird day!  Second week of January and 65 degrees F (18C), unusual for Boston, completely foreign for someone from Wisconsin.  Julia has Saturday afternoon theater workshop with a group that works with youth with disabilities to develop theater pieces.  This is her second time; the workshop is 4 hours long.  It is close enough (on a Saturday without traffic) that I could go home but she asked that I say close.  Last week, I found an interesting diner but it is no place to stay anywhere near on a diet. I am on a diet. South Street Station is around the corner; the food court has WiFi and a Starbucks. Continue reading →

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catching joy

Time to celebrate and throw confetti!  Cheshire and Justin are going to be married.

IMG_0798

Two weeks ago, Cheshire’s boyfriend, Justin, came over to talk about their future.  Their future together.  It was with so much joy that I gave him the ring that was worn by Cheshire’s grandmother, Inez Sarvetnick Schanker, and after Cheshire was born, by me. Completely serendipitously, Justin came to talk to me on David’s birthday, what would have been his 65th birthday.  David’s birthday is not one of those special days that register with me but this one did as I wrote about.  Having this special conversation on David’s birthday made it sweeter still, if that was possible.

Justin proposed last Friday and his parents with Julia and I joined Justin and Cheshire for a celebratory brunch after a ferry ride on Sunday.  We are all very happy.

Planning is underway. Julia, who has discovered Pinterest, texted Cheshire a cake with bride and groom cats on the top and little paw prints going up the sides of the three layers. I am so very tickled that I will not be a long distance mother-of-the-bride.

Posted on by Suzanne Buchko 2