Tag: death

muta

Muta died last night right after Julia left for the movies.  I was glad that she wasn’t home.  It wasn’t a bad death but it happened right in front of me.  I don’t know how Julia would have handled it.

Muta hadn’t eat at all yesterday. In the last week, even on appetite enhancers, anti-nausea meds and steroids, his eating has been sporadic and he has thrown up nearly everything I’ve given him. There was nothing more the vet could do for him. He had slept on my bed just three nights ago, jumping up as always. The last two days, he stayed mostly in the bathroom on the rug which he liked and under the kitchen table.

Julia left for the movies around 5:20; I was cutting tomatoes to roast.  Muta threw up under the kitchen table.  He laid back down and some of his fur was in the vomit although by this point, vomit was mostly a clear liquid.  I wanted to get the tomatoes in the oven and so didn’t immediately clean up the floor.  A few minutes later, Muta got up and walked to the back door.  He meowed very loudly.  He usually asked to go outside but not in this voice which had a strident sound.  Since he has been sick, I’ve kept him inside but during this last week, I had been letting him out. Sometimes he went into the backyard, but mostly he kept to the porch, finding a bit of sun and stretching out.  

Continue reading →

Posted on by Suzanne Buchko 1

an old lesson, once again

I have spent a month sick, in one way or another—coughing, first and foremost. A chronic cough that I could not shake. From a flu.  It was not so bad as to not go about my daily round, but bad enough not to be able to do anything without cough drops and my water bottle to keep the eruptions at bay.

But they were not really kept at bay. I sat through classes and choir practices vainly attempting to hold back my coughing. I was not, however, feeling ill enough to do more than use home remedies and rest a little bit. Just a little bit.

Finally, I was too long coughing and thought something funky was going on with my eyes, I visited the doctor, had an x-ray taken and sent home with the usual rest and fluids instructions. Oh, and medication for conjunctivitis.

Continue reading →

Posted on by Suzanne Buchko 1

the unravellings

In all of the 12 previous times when I wrote about David’s Death Day Anniversaries, I have never thought about or made mental notes for the contents before I open my lap top and started writing.  Many times I wrote and then edited fiercely before posting, but that was all.

This year is different.

Every year is different. This year is different in an unexpected way.

First off, last night I dreamed of Jimmy Brennan, a high school friend who I had a crush on while we were both doing variety shows at school.  He was not a close friend; however, we had some wonderful talks together.  We lost touch but beginning in my 30’s, I would have dreams in which Jimmy appeared just before some notable change happened in my life.  The dreams were never noteworthy, rather something ordinary, visiting a place I knew, walking through rooms, ordering in restaurant. And Jimmy would make an appearance. Again, nothing noteworthy.  He would stop by a table at the restaurant and chat, he would be sitting in some living room I walked through.  It took years to notice and put it together but eventually, I noticed that these appearances presaged some change. Always, the dream came before I knew what the change was but there was always a change. I came to view Jimmy Brennan, in his charming high school form, as my personal John the Baptist.

Continue reading →

Posted on by Suzanne Buchko 4