Julia finished two days. She has come home happy both days. I’ve gotten no frantic phone calls, emails or texts from anyone at school. She lost her binder on the first day (found yesterday) and her new to her jacket on the second (she will look for it today). There is a strict phone rule in her physics class—if the phone comes out in class, you lose it. First time, until the end of class, second time, it goes to the house office with unknown consequences. Good black line rule for Julia, nice that it is for everyone. I’ve driven her to school these two days and I will do so tomorrow as well. Buses are messed up (Did I bring that challenge with me?). Interestingly, the bus dilemma is not confined to sped buses and there was a general email from the principal about it yesterday. He admitted that the primary reason for the problem is not enough planning and he has an idea about what to do for next year. For the present, more parents are driving kids to school. Just like West, Newton North sits in the middle of a suburban neighborhood and as such does not have the roads to support school drop off traffic. Our 6 minute drive takes 20 and getting out of melee takes more. The buses will help. I think Julia appreciates our time in the car. High anxiety yesterday, a slightly lower level this morning. Continue reading
“Emptiness refers to the absence of something that, for some reason, one expects to find—as when we say a glass, normally used to hold liquids, is empty even though it is full of air. The point is not that there is nothing there at all, but rather that what is there differs from your expectations.” ~William S. Cobb, “The Game of Go”
Expectations. Emptiness. What I hold on to that I don’t even form into thoughts, into the stuff of consciousness. Unconscious expectations. Ah, that is interesting stuff.
Sunday. Julia is up first, watched some tv, folded her clothes and taking a shower. For days, her lack of independence compared to her typical peers has been what I see and I have felt such sadness. For me, for sure, but more, for her. Listening to her move around our new home, sounds that are unfamiliar and not easily identified, I see, ah yes, I see, expectations. For all that I preach, to myself and others, about natural unfolding and patience, I am still comparing her to peers. I am comparing peacocks to robins. Continue reading