Tag: bad days

tasting failure

Very rough day. Somewhere around 10 a.m., I received this email from a program director:

“It was great to see you and meet[] Julia this week. Our team felt that what we provide and the environment could be over stimulating for Julia. We think a smaller size structure program will be a good fit for her. I did reached out to Nancy from DDS with feedback. I am sure you will be able to find a program for Julia.”

That last sentence — “sure you will be able to find a program” — really stung.

Julia and I visited the program, Delta Projects, on Tuesday. Julia’s behavior was not perfect but by the time that we left, she was in conversation with some of the staff and a few of the participants. I was hoping that Delta Projects was a possibility for her. The director’s email quashed that hope.

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Posted on by Suzanne Buchko 3

the day after a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

Julia had a very bad day at her program on Friday—perseverating on her body that she finds many, many faults with, making lots of self-harming statements, banging her head against the wall, putting hands on a staff member.  After an initial melt down with lots of shouting, it took 40 minutes for her to gain some calm which is far longer than usual.  She took a walk with staff which seemed to restore equilibrium, but once back at the program’s building, she slipped back into melt down.  

And I did the unthinkable.  I was not available and could not be immediately reached.

I am not feeling badly or guilty about this absence, but the fact remains, her team tried to call and text me and I was not available—available to talk to them, available to talk to Julia, available to come and get her.  And my unavailability made everything worse.  And she does not have the tools she needs to self-regulate, to regulate with the help of people who know her well.  There are times when she can not regulate without my direct intervention.

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Posted on by Suzanne Buchko 1