dualities

This is a city of such contrasts.  All cities, all places are but perhaps because this time has been so multi-sided for me, the contrasts I see here are particularly tender and touching. 

This small cemetery, tucked into a corner of Yanaka was surrounded by a wall with an open gate.Some of the graves were very old, some from earlier this year. A few had an announcement tied onto the stone which said that it was suspected that this grave had been abandoned and the upkeep was unpaid. If someone did not come forward to claim the space, the remains buried would be dug up and respectfully burned, and the space made available to another family. I wonder if this was just the reality of a city where all real estate is valuable.

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bumps in the road

I can’t work this into a chatty post. I can’t make light of it. No pictures can tell the story. I have believed firmly that traveling with Julia was incredibly beneficial. Of course, we have not done any since moving to Boston, but this was going to be doing something we loved together again. And possibly better because Ed was with us.

We’ve hit some bumps, some limits and a bunch of my assumptions have been dashed.  We had a very hard 24+ hours over the last day and a half.  Julia was angry and lashed out at us.  She had melt downs in public and was very difficult to handle. She cursed and swore and talked under her breath until she was raging. She could not be brought down to a calm and rational state.  She didn’t want to be.

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shibuya scramble crossing

Shibuya Scramble Crossing  stops vehicles in all directions to allow pedestrians to inundate the entire intersection. Large video screens mounted on nearby buildings overlook the crossing, as well as many static advertising signs. Honestly, it is just about a recognizably large amount of people crossing the street at one time and I didn’t expect to be impressed. However, to look at it from above and then walk in it (twice) felt magical. It was participating in some daily ritual that blessed or cursed the events of the day. It was being a molecule in the veins or arteries of a huge body get where it needed to go. It would lose its magic if it was a crossing on the way to work every day but the first time . . . Ah!

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anime spotting

Almost no matter where we have been in the city, pictures and ads pop up that are of interest to the anime lover. Julia has asked me to take quite a few pictures. I had also read that everything in Tokyo has a face and a cuteness and we see that all the time. Drawings in ketchup on an omelet and pastry named after pets. All of this without going into the heavy anime sections of the city. Here are a few.

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first morning in Tokyo

Breakfast at Higurashi Garden, bakery with a book store behind it.

It was delicious. The little dog was full of chocolate, made and named in honor of the owner’s dog, and the eggplant tart was to die for. Plus ice coffee for me and fresh lemonade for Julia and Ed. We are ready to explore.

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auntie duties

Julia has not wanted to have much contact with Wilbur since his first few days. Cheshire and I have been patient and have just waited it out. I’ve spent a good deal of my time with Wilbur during the day when Julia has been at her program. When she has spoken negatively about Wilbur, I’ve been firm that he is a permanent member of our family and that I intended to be a good grandma. I’ve offered that she can stay home when we are able to visit together. She has never taken me up on that. For himself, Wilbur is fascinated by the auntie who doesn’t pay him much attention.

On Thursday, Julia and I met Cheshire and Wilbur at the Discovery Museum. In the baby space, Wilbur was making use of practice stairs, plastic animals, and lots of balls, and Julia became interested. I am so happy to see her and Wilbur together. I do believe that they could be good friends.

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taking up the . . .

Taking up the . . . Like in “the slack.” 

The direct opposite of what I scribbled one day in November 2014.

Rarely do I wake up before Julia these days and get to plunge immediately onto the page.  Into the page?  Okay, so I washed my face, brushed my teeth, made a latte with three shots of espresso—the third a treat for the day—made the bed and then opened the laptop.

The morning light streams into the living room making it almost difficult to type.  I haven’t lived in this house in the autumn but I am almost sure that this is what autumn light will be like.  The angle of summer light coming into the living room has shifted. This new light is gentler, smoother than what has shined in since late May.

Everywhere.  Everywhere all around me, the season is changing.  A few days ago on a walk, Julia and I spotted some brown leaves on the ground.  Very early victims of the transformation or just unfortunate late summer victims of overwatering?  No matter they are the harbinger of change.

Facebook posts aplenty of children being driven to move-in days at their colleges and parents feeling the first sting of empty nesting.  Oh my friends, you will endure and prosper very soon.  Younger families posting pictures of first days of many, many grades. Smiling faces, new sneakers, expectation galore. And hope.

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tasting failure

Very rough day. Somewhere around 10 a.m., I received this email from a program director:

“It was great to see you and meet[] Julia this week. Our team felt that what we provide and the environment could be over stimulating for Julia. We think a smaller size structure program will be a good fit for her. I did reached out to Nancy from DDS with feedback. I am sure you will be able to find a program for Julia.”

That last sentence — “sure you will be able to find a program” — really stung.

Julia and I visited the program, Delta Projects, on Tuesday. Julia’s behavior was not perfect but by the time that we left, she was in conversation with some of the staff and a few of the participants. I was hoping that Delta Projects was a possibility for her. The director’s email quashed that hope.

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adulting

Friday.  Sheets of rain are falling outside my living room window.  Julia is in New Hampshire at sleep-away camp and I am so glad I packed some warm clothes, her rain jacket and a long poncho for her!

I has been lovely being a grown up for the week.  I’ve not really cooked a single meal—lots of breakfasts out and left over freezer stuff popped into the microwave.  I’ve eaten supper at 10 at night when I finished my work, and I’ve written long overdue emails although I’ve just gotten to a few today that I thought I’d write a few days ago.  

I’ve printed out about half the memoir pieces I’ve written and pinned them up on a wall in my study with the hope of finding some order for them.  Right now, the pieces are in rows but I am imagining changing that to be a winding path up the office wall.  Pretty appropriate considering my story—absolutely no straight lines! 

I’ve booked places to stay in Tokyo and the first week in Hanoi.  I need to get serious about making notes of places we can visit and restaurants we can go to. 

The rain, as quickly as it began, has abruptly stopped.  And for a moment there is a breeze.

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