I am a single parent with a teenager on the autism spectrum and travel is one of my passions. Travel is a wonderful, educational experience for typical children, and my hunch that Julia would learn and grow with travel experiences was rewarded last summer in Italy. So, I am on a mission to teach Julia about the world—one trip at a time!
On the steps of the Museum of the City of New York at 103rd Street.
Lunch in a Queens park that has just reopened. Big trees, new benches, giant frogs spouting water in the playground. I have excellent ice coffee–good enough to to drink black– Julia is eating a bagel with bacon and cream cheese–her idea. This is the way to take in 90 degrees in NYC.
A week in New York. Museuming. A quiet Fourth of July. And then yesterday. Also, a few mistakes, some corrected.
Traveling to and staying in New York is always part coming home, part visiting Cheshire and friends and part playing tourist. Add to that mix, this summer we observed David’s death day here. There is never time to write here. I’d so rather hang with my girls and chat than tap away. Continue reading →
We took off and flew and landed today. Yay!
Oh, there are so few people who might get the joke. Jan, are you there? Makes me think of memory holders. Those who know enough to of your history to reminisce at the drop of a hat. And those who cannot remember for whom we hold memories.
We are back at the airport. Still Milwaukee, checked in and waiting at the gate. A gate slightly to the right of yesterday’s gate but few changes. Our berries survived the night in the hotel frig which was not cold. Those berries plus an expensive banana, juice, scone that Julia insisted on because she likes mine and is disappointed with what we get, and coffee are breakfast. We could have had the hotel buffet but there was a pool at the hotel and Julia had asked to swim last night. I had been too tired last night–the release of travel prep stress exhaustion– and I could not summon energy to search our bags for swim suits.
We slept. But only after supper at the restaurant. There we met a woman who was stuck after the cancelled flight. We rode to the hotel together and chatted then. She had finished dinner by the time we got to our table but she ordered another glass of beer and I asked her to join us. She was headed to a family reunion. The cancelled flight caused her to miss the first event (hopefully, the 6 am flight she caught this morning got her there for this afternoon’s festivities.). She is ex-military, on the cusp of buying her first house outside of of Seattle (inspection while she is away), she has two kids who have moved around a lot while she has been deployed, wounded during her last tour in Afghanistan. During a long recovery and rehab, she studied for her bachelors (she started with an associates degree plus a few credits) and then masters in education. She is a social studies teacher now, not the kind obsessed with maps and dates. She teaches kids where wars come from and how people live through them. “They need to know how it happens so they can stop the next ones.”
She had a seven year old son on the spectrum, she stutters under pressure (which I think is a different kind of stuttering from mine) and her father was a prison chaplain after he retired from the military. We found plenty to talk about and, I’m not saying that I would have given up yesterday’s flight to have dinner with this woman, but I felt I had met a comrade–talking through imperfect speech, another autism mom and someone who has an insiders’ perception of prisons. Lemons to lemonade–such good fortune.
And Julia drew Winter, the dragon for her.
Back in our room, we watched the end of Avatar and I forgot how beautiful the movie is. Julia is ready to see it. Interesting, Julia snuggled with me in my bed for the movie and then moved to her own bed to sleep. This is new. In the past, she has not been interested in snuggling unless she was afraid or she was not interested in her own sleeping space. Yesterday, she wanted both.
This morning we decided to go swimming in the hotel pool instead of breakfast–we would have a couple of hours in the airport to catch breakfast. But we were too early and the pool was not open. We went to the front desk and I asked if we could bend the rules. I told our story of a flight cancelled and Julia piped in that she was “waiting patiently.” The manager was charmed–by her, not me, and we splashed around for 40 minutes before leaving.
Back at the airport now. Still waiting. Everything points to a good travel day and Cheshire is at the other end. So is New York. Such a good start for an adventure.
Preparation now packed, rather loosely of which I am so proud, in two rolling carrying suitcases, two back packs and my over the shoulder bag. None feels too heavy. A nice way to begin a journey. Julia complains about walking in the airport and I take a breath. We’ve hardly begun. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she will grow into travel walking again. We will do a lot of it this time. No cars except for cabs and probably not many of those. Trains mostly punctuated with a few planes. And walking.
New York, Turin, Genoa, Orta San Giuliano, Milan and London. A week in each. I checked weather on the bus to Milwaukee airport and we are packed appropriately. Except for London where it was 57 degrees and drizzling in the evening. If it is that cold when we get there, we’ll both be bringing home new sweaters or sweatshirts.
I woke up at 4 yesterday, tossed for a few minutes and realized that I was up for the day. Apart from one melt down in late morning, Julia and I were able to work together all day. She had therapy scheduled for three to six, and I had a small shopping list to accomplish–a return to Old Navy, finding gift bags and an additional adapter. Plans changed when therapy was cancelled and we shuffled. We fit in an evening gardening short hour, Julia picked weeds out of the cracks in the driveway and the worst of the side walk and I deadheaded everything I could in the front garden. A few things days too soon but perhaps we will reap a second bloom by the time we get home.
The bus passes the restaurant that M and R took me to for my birthday the year after David died. It is getting close to another anniversary–6 years–and there is no ignoring heart tugs. How many friends have stepped in to make holidays, personal and public, bearable. How many times I have lean on and found support, love and care. Even today, we were driven to the bus and hugged before boarding.
We are at Milwaukee airport hours early. That is what happens when you take a bus. At least in the States. It is fine. We are going away for a relatively long time and I have two goals connected to time. The first is to spend travel days traveling not rushing. I intend to be early, to wait around, to read (I brought three books) and write, and allow Julia plenty of drawing/coloring time. She has a new Harry Potter coloring (thank you, Kelly) and print out pages from a meditation coloring book. She has only one game on her iPad but 3 art apps to explore. We are doing summer home work but it is simple. 6 multiplication (or division) problems and a chapter of “To Kill a Mocking Bird.” She’ll do some writing about the book and journaling. And Instagram to work on social skills. We’ll do this on travel days and exploring days but not everything everyday. I want to see what lightening up on school work gives her.
Julia put her cello away yesterday after practicing. I had her put it into the case and we stored it in a lonely corner of the dining room. She mentioned something about taking it on vacation. A noble idea not to be entertained. We’ll find some music to listen to.
The second time related goal is about not over planning. Although the I still did a lot of work finding lodgings and places of interest and restaurants, I hope to use it all lightly. I want to just walk, allow us the time to see cities for what they are, allow us time to get lost and find our way again. To find gelato where it is least expected. This is a heady goal for me. I travel plan like my mother cleaned–with so much more intensity than is/was required. Sometimes when I clean, especially like I clean before traveling which has a bit of stress attached to it, I recall the stress of cleaning for and with her. She was a master and I her unworthy apprentice. There was still dust on the bureau and a spot of burned vegetable left in the pot when I finished. Not that I like dirty pots but why stress cleaning until even the lovely result became unappealing. I know I’ve been there with travel planning and the intensity came from a feeling of scarcity. I believed that if I did not see every important sight or eat in the most incredible of places, that I’d never get back to that destination and I would have missed something I would never have the chance to experience. Ever. This year we return to Italy. I am hoping to intentionally change.
Like any traveler, I have stories of unplanned magic. When I went to VietNam with a friend who adopted a 6 month old, we stayed in a multi-storied hotel in Saigon with rooms opening out to a center covered garden. One evening as we, perhaps just she, was trying to put her new daughter to sleep, we sat in the hallway, our chins on the cool railings (oh, it was hot, even in air conditioning) watching a wonder of a wedding preformed three stories beneath us. The bridal couple began the evening in traditional Vietnamese garb and then changed three times to appear in Western (bridal white) garb, some very fancy ethnic Vietnamese outfits and finally in black and red Spanish regalia. Two of the appearances began with choreographed dances featuring the couple and some friends. Lots of pictures were taken and new courses of food appear each time they changed. If we had been typical tourists, we would have spent the evening at a restaurant and perhaps a show, never would we have just hung out in the hallway of our hotel. And then, what we would have missed!
I would like to invite, to cultivate the possibility for such wonder.
So, we sit. Another hour before the plane takes off. If it is on time. The airport is cold. I should have put socks in my backpack. Julia finished math and is copying a picture of a sandwich dragon. I am ready to crack open a book.
And so we begin.
Best laid plans . . . Our flight was delayed twice and then cancelled. Weather. Although there doesn’t seem to be any ugly weather predicted in NY or here. But, ok. We’re in a hotel with a pool for the night. I’m exhausted but Julia is thrilled with wifi.
The days just move along and move along. It is all a-whirl.
Seventh grade ends tomorrow. This is only the second time that Julia has greeted summer with enthusiasm. She understands enough about time to appreciate breaks. I find the transition from school to vacation unnerving. Work in school has been on the wane. Her big “country project” for social studies was finished two weeks ago. Her last book review and spelling test about a week ago. Math has dribbled to a close. Continue reading →
I’ve been wallow-y lately. Lots of stuff going on and little of it easy or smooth. Last week, I cried to the universe: Can’t anything in my life go smoothly!? I think the universe answered: no. Honestly, when I get like this, I’d really like to climb out of my skin and give it away. Who in their right mind would take it?
Self pity. Ugly, messy stuff. A gaggle of quotations run through my mind. I get it. Self pity. A dangerous elixir.
Pouts:
The school year is not winding down gracefully. Julia was late to school six days in a row. A lack of focus on doing the tasks at hand is the raison d’être — redressing a doll, picking up some reading, working on a lego piece has all taken precedence to getting washed, dressed and ready. The loss of focus happens in an instant, my back turns, I make my bed, I run downstairs to start the kettle. And Julia has been disrespectful to teacher twice this week — refusing work, speaking inappropriately, being generally mean. I live in dead fear that this will escalate and mark her as a trouble maker. I fear alienating the very people, her teachers, who are her lifeline to the world. Continue reading →
This is way less exotic than writing about hotels and sites in Italy, but I need to begin somewhere. Almost in my own backyard. Julia and I are in Chicago for a short weekend to see her vision therapist and her naturopath, and to see the Van Gogh’s Bedroom exhibit at the Art Institute.
Caveat: I am looking at travel from the perspective of traveling with Julia who is on the autism spectrum. Of course, no one has precisely Julia’s needs but perhaps as others find these posts, they will comment about how I can make my ‘reviews’ more to the disability community. Helpful to a wider range of families. Continue reading →
Travel News: (1) I bought summer plane tickets. (2) I pricelined a Chicago hotel room for the weekend to visit Julia’s vision therapy doctor and her naturopath.
Travel News Fallout: Julia, on hearing of the travel plans, is ready to spend our entire week in England exploring Harry Potter related sites.
I have been hunting and gathering for a few weeks. I waited a week too long and saw airfare prices creep up, not by much, but, related to that, flights filled up. There was slim pickings for our seats to Milan. After I chose ours, there were another 8 seats left in the economy section and the only two seats together did not recline. I bought ten weeks before travel. There were no incredible deals that I could find after the twelve week point. And definitely less choice. To be sure, there are last minute deals to be found if one could wait it out but I begin talking to Julia about a weekend in Chicago a few weeks before we go. A month in Italy is not something to spring on her. Continue reading →
I’ve been talking about my nascent travel plans for this summer among friends and a few folks asked how I find somewhat economical airline tickets for summer travel. When I began planning last month, I dug out last year’s notes but what I had saved was slap dash not not useful. I had to do some reinvention of the wheel and, in order not to repeat that exercise, I’m writing it down now. Also, I’ve been reading travel blogs and websites and frankly, I don’t agree with some of what I’ve read. I am always trying to squeeze an extra mile out of my travel dollars and this is what has worked for me. (If any reader has suggestions to do better, please comment.) Continue reading →
When I began blogging, there were not many people writing about the challenges of adopting an older child and I felt that as much as I gained from writing about our family experiences, it also was information and support for others. When our family moved on and I was blogging about grieving and putting life back together again, I lost the concept of providing information and support to anyone. I needed to blog for myself and gather a community of loving souls around me, reading my words and offering support. In the past year, I’ve become aware that my writing had changed again. I like journaling about my life, Julia’s doings and our lives together. I like sharing reflections about spirit moving and refrigerators. And I’ve wanted more.
And I have a terrific case of wanderlust.
When we traveled in Italy last summer, I did not see many single moms and kids, I didn’t notice many kids with disabilities traveling with parents. I’ve been poking around travel websites recently and have been listening to many podcasts. Only a few talk about single parent travel and I haven’t found any about traveling with kids with disabilities. And so, I’m going to give myself the challenge of some niche travel writing. I have no idea if I can do it, if I can be any good at it or if it will serve any purpose, but none of that is a reason not to start.
As a friend of mine says each time we begin the Japanese Crane style Qigong, ‘And so, we begin.’
Chasing Joy 