I don’t know why I wake up at 3, turn over to fall back to sleep only to be further roused. Then, thoughts invade, those thoughts that hold hands and dance in a circle around my brain. Not bad thoughts, not depressing or sad thoughts, not even anxious thoughts, but dammed determined thoughts that shake my insides awake until I throw off covers, pee, make myself a cup of hot milk and rearrange the pillows to half-sit in bed and tap away. Would it be the same if there was a partner beside me? I muse that I could have turned over and found the crook in some arm and shoulder, but honestly, there were many nights waking up and carefully leaving the bed so as not to disturb my sleeping love. It has been long enough that I paint sublime pictures of sleeping next to someone through an entire night of looping thoughts, but not so long as to deny the truth of night time rousings.
There will be an audience-free Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade this year. Reading that saddens me. Only slightly but noticeably. And I have to laugh at myself. When was the last time I took any notice of the parade?
But when I was a child . . .