We are booked to return to Hanoi for more than a month in late spring. Airline tickets are bought. A deposit has been paid on the apartment we stayed in back in 2023. The official purpose of the trip is to attend the high school graduation of Giau, the son of the young woman Ed has guided since she was a teenager. It is sweet to be invited back for this moment, to witness a milestone in a family whose lives have been woven into Ed’s life over time and now into Julia’s and mine.

This time, planning feels different. With a place to stay arranged and a beloved pho shop just a stone’s throw away, I can already envision some of the more intriguing details.

One of the things I would like to arrange is a companion or guide for Julia while we are in Hanoi. I briefly flirted with this idea on our last trip, but became overwhelmed by the logistics and let it go. This time, I am sending out feelers and following up on any small clue that might lead somewhere. The hope is modest and specific: that Julia might spend a morning, an afternoon, or even a day exploring the city without me. Maybe a museum, a park, or a place to do art or crafts. Not every day. Just sometimes.

Independence is complicated to teach, and travel has always been one of the most meaningful ways Julia develops those skills. Since she is now 25, I would love for her to have opportunities to move through the world with a little more autonomy, even while far from home.

I started by googling autism services in Hanoi. The general information was not surprising: services are limited in Vietnam, though they are most developed in the largest cities, Hanoi among them. I found a list of eleven possible therapists, schools, or service providers. Almost all were geared toward young children, but I wasn’t looking for therapy—more for advice, ideas, or connections. Nine of the eleven were still operating. I wrote to each one.

My email was simple and direct:

Hello. I will be in Hanoi in May for six weeks with my young adult daughter who is on the autism spectrum. I am looking for a mentor and companion to spend time exploring the city with her. I’d like to hire someone who has experience with people on the spectrum and would enjoy getting to know my daughter. I would appreciate any recommendation, advice, or ideas you can provide. Thank you.

By the next day, I had two responses.

The first was thoughtful but discouraging. They explained that they did not have staff available to support or accompany my daughter, and that arranging short-term, community-based support like city exploration is particularly challenging in Hanoi, especially for a limited stay. They  suggested reaching out to local parent and autism communities, where families often share personal recommendations. They pointed me toward a few Facebook groups: The Hanoi Massive Community and Hanoi Parent Group, including autism-related subgroups.

The second response was warmer and more inquisitive. They were delighted that I was interested in learning more as I planned our trip, but said they needed additional information before offering advice. They asked about Julia’s age, language skills, sensory sensitivities, eating and sleep patterns, and self-care abilities.

I replied with a description of Julia and clarified what I was actually seeking. I explained that I wasn’t looking for therapy services, but rather a knowledgeable, patient caregiver—someone with an understanding of the ways people on the spectrum often experience the world. In the past, staff from Julia’s day program or school have occasionally served as respite caregivers during their free time. Someone closer to Julia in age would be most appropriate.

Since then, I’ve posted in a few Vietnam travel and expat Facebook groups and received many thumbs up. Two tour guides offered their services and a nanny service asked for more information. I’m also planning to try a longer shot: two listservs from communities I belong to. I don’t know where, or if, this will land. But I’m letting the process unfold more slowly, trusting that asking is part of the work.

Travel companions take many forms. Sometimes they are the people who walk beside us. Sometimes they are the ones who help us learn how to walk a little on our own. Of course, in this case, I would like someone walking beside Julia.