I wrote a note to the supervisor of Julia’s current day program this morning, thanking her and the staff for the care they’ve shown to Julia over this past year or 14 months. Julia was expected to begin her new placement at The Price Center on Monday.

Transportation called and Julia was set to be picked up on Monday between 7:45 and 8:15.  The dispatcher said the window will get smaller once the route was established.  

I emailed DDS and The Price Center checking to make sure everything is ready to go for Monday and asking for confirmation. I kinda’ really wanted confirmation from as many people as possible because I was nervous.  We have been exchanging emails all week to get ready for Monday, and although Monday has been in everyone’s email, I don’t have a definitive, absolute pronouncement that all ducks are in a row for Monday.

Will this be a soft landing?  Will this be the right program?  At least, an appropriate program for this moment? Will Julia like it?

On Wednesday with Michelle, Julia’s therapist, I insisted we talk about the new program. Julia would have rather pushed her feeling away and down, as she explained it. Ready to explode in a day or week or month, I was thinking. 

Michelle started recording some of what Julia was saying on a huge piece of paper. It didn’t take long for Julia to take over writing. She could say she was scared and anxious about Monday. We assured her, those feelings were very appropriate, that we all are somewhat anxious starting new things. I didn’t take time to explain my anxiousness.

Did she believe us?

When asked for what she was anxious about, her issues related to her experience at Bay Cove. Sometimes people are very loud there. At least one person appears to have regular melt downs according to Julia.  Someone has said something inappropriate to Julia which she cannot fogive or forget. There may have been some physical fighting (not involving Julia) that has gone on.

So we asked what she could do about these disturbances to her equilibrium.  She said she could ignore them and walk away, she could talk to staff about it, she could find a quiet place to go to and she could listen to music or walk on a tredmill to calm herself.  Michelle and I congratulated her on thinking of these tools. I could see that Julia was calmer than when she began talking about this big change.

I suggested that we have a celebration when she got home on Monday. She asked for chocolate ice cream. She made a point that if Ed was bringing home the ice cream that he get some lemon for himself because he does not eat chocolate. And she wanted chinese food or to go to Chinatown.  Julia left Michelle’s office pretty satisfied with herself and she looked like she was happy in her own skin. 

I thought I had all my duck in a row and that I was looking confident while paddling like a maniac beneath the water. I have been communicating with The Price Center and DDS all week making sure that Julia had a start date and transportation, and that date was Monday.

And so, this morning after Julia left for her day center, I wrote the email to the director of her current program because it seemed extremely rude not to notify them that this was Julia’s last day and to thank them.

Period.  And then, I settled into my daily round.

Early afternoon brought disturbing emails and phone calls. The Price Center had not gotten the DDS contract for services. Max-ride has not gotten the “home alone” authorization and so could not drop Julia off at the end of her day unless someone is home.  And I have a class on Monday that lets out at 3.

It was a good deal after noon when emails began whizzing back and forth. And now, I could not be sure whether it would be sorted out today. 

It is Friday with two hours of the workday left.  I don’t know where Julia will be on Monday.

Why, why, why?  Why can’t any given part of this getting Julia to a good place for her and her development run smoothly?  I am so over the drama!

And yet, just to remind myself and the universe of all the silver linings: Massachusetts has some of the best services for people with disabilities in the country, Julia is in the best shape she has been in since we moved here, I have been chasing The Price Center for more than 2 years, I’ve finished my homework for my Monday class and as of 3:30 today, Julia’s services are still funded by federal and state dollars.

I think Sisyphus got off easy.

Late update: 4:31 I get a phone call from transportation to tell me that the “home alone” authorization has reached their desks and Julia is set to go. A few minutes later, I get an email confirming that The Price Center has the contract they need to begin services on Monday.

Thanks for the crossed fingers and ‘Hail Mary’s’, Roz.

And at the top of another mountain, Sisyphus takes a deep cleansing breath.