I can’t work this into a chatty post. I can’t make light of it. No pictures can tell the story. I have believed firmly that traveling with Julia was incredibly beneficial. Of course, we have not done any since moving to Boston, but this was going to be doing something we loved together again. And possibly better because Ed was with us.

We’ve hit some bumps, some limits and a bunch of my assumptions have been dashed.  We had a very hard 24+ hours over the last day and a half.  Julia was angry and lashed out at us.  She had melt downs in public and was very difficult to handle. She cursed and swore and talked under her breath until she was raging. She could not be brought down to a calm and rational state.  She didn’t want to be.

The underlying reason for most of the behavior was her disappointment that she will not be finding a boyfriend during this week.  She has been hyper focused on this idea for awhile and I tried my rational best to dispel the notion.  Obviously, I did not do enough but honestly I don’t know how or what I could have done beyond what I tried.  I had hoped for distraction—there is plenty here to distract her—and her pre-Covid enjoyment of the travel experience.  

Julia is particularly interested in the host boys who work in clubs that draw women in supposedly and probably often to exchange time being pampered by pretty men for money. Some of it is about sex workers which is also very interesting to Julia.  This is such an incredible city of contrasts and the prim, proper, polite and appropriate competes with its opposite. 

I have drawn some pretty straight lines around these activities.  I have tried hard to walk the line between non-judgmental and explaining danger.  My words fell on the proverbial deaf ears.

Julia is interested.

And being here, she finally understood that I was not going to take her to a host club, not going to procure a pretty boy for her, not going to pay for her to garner this attention.  She has been furious.  So much so, that I didn’t know if we could stay and last night began looking for flights home.

Fortunately, I was able to arrange zoom time with her/our wonderful therapist yesterday.  I structured a meeting with time for Julia and I, for Julia alone and for me alone. Then we spent the rest of the day turning away from the glitz and glamour.  We walked an older shopping neighborhood, ate ramen at a time restaurant, walked an old cemetery, did the wash at a laundromat and found yet another ramen shop to end our day.  In between, Julia took a three hour nap and I realized that part of the uncontrolled behavior was due to exhaustion and overload a few days later.

We lived through the day, walking on egg shells.  By the end of the day, Julia was endorsing going to a festival tomorrow which I took as a good sign.

We don’t leave all our burdens at home and traveling with Julia now is very different from traveling when she was younger and willing to do designated activities that kept her grounded.  

Had Ed not be with us, had Michelle not been available to spend time with us, I would probably be in a plane going home right now.  It was difficult but I/we/all of us are learning.

We are living this one day at a time. We will see how tomorrow goes.